Sunday, October 21, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
I've always believed this in my heart. There have, certainly however, been times where doubt creeps in a little more than it should. Recognizing potential opportunities, if we are willing to work diligently and sacrifice, can give the courage and momentum needed to give up the unnecessary and prioritize effectively.
I will succeed.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Stress Relief
Sometimes just thinking about embarking on a program of stress control can be stressful. Rather than freeze in your tracks, start small and bask in the glow of your successes. Give yourself a week to focus on practical solutions that could help you cope with just one stumbling block or source of stress in your life. Pick a problem, and see if these suggestions work for you.
1) Frequently late? Apply time management principles. Consider your priorities (be sure to include time for your self-care) and delegate or discard unnecessary tasks. Map out your day. If you are overly optimistic about travel time, consistently give yourself an extra 15 minutes or more to get to your destinations. If lateness stems from dragging your heels, consider the underlying issue. Are you anxious about what will happen after you get to work or to a social event, for example? Or maybe you’re trying to jam too many tasks into too little time.
2) Often angry or irritated? Consider the weight of cognitive distortions. Are you magnifying a problem, jumping to conclusions, or applying emotional reasoning? Take the time to stop, breathe, reflect, and choose. Be objective. Be calm.
3) Unsure of your ability to do something? Don’t try to do it alone. If the problem is work, talk to a co-worker or supportive boss. Ask a knowledgeable friend or an organization that can supply the information you need. Write down other ways that you might get the answers or skills you need. Turn to CDs, books, or classes, for example, if you need a little tutoring. This works equally well when you’re learning relaxation techniques, too.
4) Overextended? Clear the deck of at least one time-consuming household task by hiring help. If you can, hire a housecleaning service, shop for groceries through the Internet, convene a family meeting to consider who can take on certain jobs, or barter with or pay teens for work around the house and yard. Consider what is truly essential and important to you and what might take a backseat right now.
5) Not enough time for stress relief? Try mini-relaxations. Or make a commitment to yourself to simplify your schedule for just one week so you can practice relaxation every day. Slowing down to pay attention to just one task or pleasure at hand is an excellent method of stress relief.
6) Feeling unbearably tense? Try massage, a hot bath, mini-relaxations, a body scan, or a mindful walk. Practically any exercise — a brisk walk, a quick run, a sprint up and down the stairs — will help, too. Done regularly, exercise wards off tension, as do relaxation response techniques.
7) Frequently feel pessimistic? Remind yourself of the value of learned optimism: a more joyful life and, quite possibly, better health. Practice deflating cognitive distortions. Rent funny movies and read amusing books. Create a mental list of reasons you have to feel grateful. If the list seems too short, consider beefing up your social network and adding creative, productive, and leisure activities to your life.
8) Upset by conflicts with others? State your needs or distress directly, avoiding “you always” or “you never” taboo phrases. Say, “I feel _____ when you _____.” “I would really appreciate it if you could _____.” “I need some help setting priorities. What needs to be done first and what should I tackle later?” If conflicts are a significant source of distress for you, consider taking a class on communication and/or assertiveness training.
9) Worn out or burned out? Focus on self-nurturing. Carve out time to practice relaxation response techniques or at least indulge in mini-relaxations. Care for your body by eating good, healthy food and for your heart by seeking out others. Give thought to creative, productive, and leisure activities. Consider your priorities in life: is it worth feeling this way, or is another path open to you? If you want help, consider what kind would be best. Do you want a particular task at work to be taken off your hands? Do you want to do it at a later date? Do you need someone with particular expertise to assist you?
10) Feeling lonely? Connect with others. Even little connections — a brief conversation in line at the grocery store, an exchange about local news and happenings with a neighbor, a question for a colleague — can help melt the ice within you. It may embolden you, too, to seek more opportunities to connect. Be a volunteer. Attend religious or community functions. Suggest lunch with an acquaintance. Call a friend or relative you miss. Take an interesting class. If a social phobia, low self-esteem, or depression is dampening your desire to reach out, seek help. The world is a kinder, more wondrous place when you share its pleasures and burdens.
--Adapted from the Harvard Medical School
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Step Ten
This is perhaps one of the most difficult of the steps. To recognize our fault, especially after having overcome so much pain and struggle, and acknowledge that we continue to be imperfect... this has been a tall task for many. We must make a regular habit of prioritizing introspective time during our week. To be unwilling to evaluate the self; to lift the nose up, even just a little, is to turn our back on recovery and deny the very effort we made to achieve this level of understanding. It sets us up for lapse, relapse, and failure. We all have defects. Some are little. Some are enormous. But if we can acknowledge our error immediately, we not only save face by being willing to self-evaluate and accept feedback, but we grow exponentially. I like to admit that I hoard opportunities for growth. I want them. No, I don't want to be wrong all the time, but I want it to be pointed out when I am misguided or blind. I want to be able to see more clearly. We must welcome the feedback. Welcome your growth and progress.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Faith and Fear
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Happy Holidays!
Merry Christmas
Monday, October 17, 2011
Peace and Serenity
I recently moved back to Utah. Back to my home. 3 weeks of reflection. 3 weeks to realize... not that I WAS burned out, but just how far that shutdown had seeped into my mind and into my life. Being back in the beautiful mountains during the most gorgeous season, driving through Provo and Sundance canyons several times each week, I have been reflecting on just how close I can be to what is most important. Looking at the meadows, hills and cliffs with amber, auburn and gold trees shooting up from all angles, I can't help but feel complete peace. To top it off, just as life changes, things look up. People come into our lives. We recognize the importance of time. We value more appropriately. Thank you, life, for returning.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Peaceful quotes
"I listen to the whispers of my heart and they are clear and bright to me. They are always about increasing the flow of love in my life and in the lives of others. There is nothing clearer."
"I do not defend my ego, for I am not in competition ‘against’ anyone or anything. I like to compete ‘with’ others so that we can both reach higher."
"Every one is my teacher, every event a gift, we are all peers; One."
"What a perfect life! I create everything I choose and exist within every one and every thing."
"I breathe in love and out gratitude, there is nothing higher or deeper."
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Never be so arrogant as to disallow the mind to saturate with feedback
Let that sink in for a moment. How often do we tell ourselves, or even... how often does SOMEONE ELSE TELL US that something we do is wrong?! We can approach this situation in a number of ways: Become defensive and angry; denial (I prefer to use the term 'precontemplative'); accepting the feedback or realization as a part of us (i.e. "That's just me, deal with it"); or we can acknowledge the feedback and determine to make a change. I speak so often about increasing personal awareness for a reason. If I do something wrong and have no idea I'm in error, I will likely never change. If I am mistaken and have the insight to be able to work on it, the potential for improvement is limitless.
Always remember that there is room for progress. We are never 'there' and we should not expect to be. No perfection can be realized in this lifetime. I look at the desire one might have for continual progress as a perfect balance between humility and the motivation for greatness.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Rewarding Successes
Monday, February 21, 2011
Situational Rebellion
Most of the time I will make the opposing argument, but this time I will refrain. I'm intentionally leaving this vague. Much of the time I get a text or email response from a follower who will either acknowledge a point I'm making or oppose it with furious passion. I invite you to share your thoughts, either publicly or privately.
Have a marvelous day. When you feel the urge to rebel next, ignore it. See what happens.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Hummingbirds
Friday, January 28, 2011
Miscommunication
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
New ways to think
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Failures vs Learning Experiences
As I meet with clients and even colleagues, I am astonished at how easily we allow little failures to bring us down. We catastrophize and make the issue into something of overwhelming force. This is usually not the case. More often, we are able to learn from the mistake.
There are countless times where I have failed. Rather than beat myself up, I learn from each mistake. I understand that I will continue to err and this will NEVER stop until I leave this earth. The only way to progress is to highlight the mistakes we have made, talk about what we learned from them, and map out a plan to prevent it from happening again.
As we do this, others take notice that we are mindful of our imperfections. They will be compelled to cut us some slack. Arrogance is a killer. We create more enemies by being prideful and haughty. Rather, if we show compassion and understanding when others fail, karma will return the favor to us in even greater ways.
Make today the best for you, your life, your family, and for your future.
Chris
Friday, August 20, 2010
Partnership
The web address for PDFA is located below, as well as a few recent press releases regarding these workshops. We were interviewed by Sergeant Darren Burch of the Phoenix Police Department and Silent Witness Program on his radio show. Our interviews will air on consecutive Sundays on 3 separate local radio stations; News KTAR (92.3 FM) at 5:30 AM, PEAK (98.7 FM) at 6:30 AM, and Sports KTAR (620 AM) at 6:15 AM.
These stations stream their broadcasts online, so if you are not in the Phoenix area you can still tune in.
NEWS
CONTACT: BETH WILKINSON (602) 957-8881 | FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE August 16, 2010 |
PARTNERSHIP FOR A DRUG-FREE AMERICA – ARIZONA AFFILIATE
LAUNCHES NEW PROGRAM TO CONNECT PARENTS
The Arizona Affiliate of the Partnership for a Drug-Free America announces the launch of AZ Parents Connect. AZ Parents Connect is a research-based community education program developed by the Partnership to raise awareness of teen alcohol, marijuana and prescription drug abuse in Arizona by targeting parents, health care professionals and military families.
AZ Parents Connect will focus on the three important steps of “prevention, intervention, treatment” through parent workshops, in-person and online community trainings.
The free workshops will be presented in 12 sessions that will take place Saturdays from noon to 1 p.m. in central Phoenix. The sessions will be led by Partnership staff and Chris Wilkins, a master level professional counselor, and will focus on topics such as substance abuse risk factors, the stages of addiction and relapse prevention.
“These workshops are a way to connect parents to resources and practical information that will help them guide their children to live healthy, drug-free lives,” said workshop coordinator Kim Obert. Parents can attend one or all of the sessions and can register by calling the Partnership at (602) 264-5700. The first session will take place August 21. For a full list of session topics and dates, visit www.AzParentsConnect.org.
Additionally, AZ Parents Connect will feature a multimedia presentation delivered by healthcare and prevention professionals to parents and interested community groups. Community and faith-based organizations interested in scheduling a free presentation on the consequences of drug use, teen brain and how to spot drug use should contact the Partnership at the above number or by e-mail at PartnerUp@PartnerUpAz.org.
“Prescription drug abuse has become our biggest problem among teens here in Arizona,” said Shelly Mowrey, director of programs and communications for the Arizona Affiliate. “Arizona teens are also using marijuana and alcohol at high rates. We will address these alarming trends with AZ Parents Connect by providing parents and caregivers with the tools they need to talk to their kids about substance abuse – and giving families the tools they need for intervention and treatment, if necessary.”
For more information about AZ Parents Connect, visit www.AzParentsConnect.org.
This project is supported by a grant from the Governor’s Office for Children, Youth and Families.
About the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, Arizona Affiliate
The Arizona Affiliate was established in 2003 to carry out The Partnership’s mission to reduce illicit drug use in Arizona while meeting the unique needs of communities. Through its programs, the Arizona Affiliate inspires and empowers Arizonans to join in a united effort to prevent illicit drug use among teens through community-based education. The Arizona Affiliate is a non profit 501-c-3 organization.
For more information, visit the Affiliate website at www.PartnerUpAz.org.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Life is always changing. We, as humans beings, are forced into action to evolve and survive. We make adjustments to be successful in new scenarios and environments. One of the most important aspects of continual progress is that we MUST increase our self awareness and be able to check in with reality. If we are unaware of an issue that we have, how can we address it? If we are always defensive when alerted to a problem, we'll have a difficult time making improvements because we can't get past the initial shock of being faced with the idea that we may be imperfect. Life IS imperfect, just as we are. The beauty of it all is that we are continually striving for improvement in all areas. "There are no ordinary moments."
Hope the final days of your week are filled with opportunities to enrich the lives of the people around you, especially the ones you love.
Chris
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Challenges become successes. Hardships become blessings. The more we embrace our struggles and take them as they come, intentionally staring them straight in the face and not backing down, the stronger we become. The more intelligent and experienced we will be.
Nothing is too powerful for us to overcome, for we can be fearless and prepared to take on any challenge that is waiting.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Quote
I was going to try and add my spin on this quote and on knowledge, but I decided I couldn't top this. Enjoy!
Chris
Friday, June 4, 2010
Quotes
-Oscar Wilde
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
...
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Monday, May 3, 2010
Increase activity
I'll be updating the links over to your right, I've found several more meditation resources. I just purchased my membership to the Meditation Society of Australia, and the class downloads sound much better than the free ones. You won't need the higher quality unless you are listening over large speakers or a television. On your ipod or computer speakers, the radio quality (free) sound just fine.
I'll soon be uploading some files of worksheets that can be done individually to assess levels of personal wellness and allow for a greater understanding of where one is in regard to enjoying the fullness of life. This will be a little taste of the beginnings of wellness coaching, allowing the individual to make it back to holistic center. There are ALWAYS opportunities to be mindful, even while you are stuck in traffic with a crying baby in the back seat.
I don't often share my curriculum, but a beginning piece of homework that I assign is viewing the movie "Peaceful Warrior" and also looking at some of the books by Dan Millman. The movie is particularly good to start with because most of us do not understand what 'mindfulness' and 'wellness' are until we investigate a little bit, and realize that we actually NEED these to be successful in life.
More to come, have a great day
All the best,
Chris
Monday, March 29, 2010
A great cause
It has been quite some time since I've been active on here, been very busy with finishing up my degree and managing employment and other things.
I want to share an amazing cause that I am working on, and ask for your help, if you are able. I am not one to pressure people into donating money or time, but this is something that I am very passionate about and I think you will be as well. A new organization, called Streetlight, is about to open a facility in Phoenix to provide a safe and secure environment for female victims of child sex slavery. If you have a a few moments, please visit this web site for an informative video and additional information on this cause. Believe me, the video will cause a powerful response in you, emotionally and physically.
http://www.streetlightphx.com/
My group is organizing the gathering of supplies such as hygiene items, bedding, clothing, kitchen cookware, and other items to get this facility open and running to help these girls. If you are able to donate, I, my group, and these girls and all others involved would be incredibly grateful. If you are able to donate, please let me know either in a comment to this post, an email, a text, or some other method because we will be organizing thank you cards in addition to including the names of donors in a publication that will be provided to the facility once our project is completed. Let me emphasize that the work will never be completed, this is an ongoing and pervasive problem in Phoenix and all around the world. In the next few days I will be posting my research paper with insights into the child sex slavery industry, and I hope you will take the time to read it and form a greater hope that we can wipe this industry out, and all those who engage in it or attempt to keep it running.
Thank you so much
Chris
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Risk
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure, but the risks must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, and has nothing, is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn, feel, change, love or live.
Only a person who risks is free.
--Leo Buscaglia
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
A New Adventure
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Loving Words of Wisdom
Choose Love
What would your life be like if every decision, every word you spoke aloud and to yourself, and every deed first went through a filter of love? Imagine letting go of conditioned patterns of defensiveness, fear, or anger ― freeing yourself to choose new responses that allow more love and joy to flow through all your experiences. The Sufi poet Hafiz declares, "When all your desires are distilled, you will cast just two votes: to love more, and be happy."
Whether your expression of love is physical, spiritual, or emotional, remember that the energy born of love is creative. It makes everything it touches new. To see how passionate you are, look around and see what you have created.
When your first response is love – for others and for yourself – the world becomes a sweeter, more forgiving, joyous place. You can begin right now by looking in the mirror, gazing with compassion into your eyes. Look at yourself and see that even if there is pain or sadness, your soul is also looking back at you with the light and innocence of the child you once were. Now holding your hand over your heart, say “I love you. I accept you. I deserve to be happy.” Try it. How does that feel? Practice this exercise regularly, for it is a powerful way to connect to your essential, loving nature.
Regardless of whatever else is going on in your life right now or whatever regrets you have, you are an amazing, beautiful being . . . divine in design and universal in spirit. It took you years to create the patterns that make you who you are. It can take but a few seconds each day to begin the shift back to the whole, sweet perfection from which you first entered the earth plane – to a state of pure love.
The next time your viewpoint is challenged – express love to your challenger. The next time you feel anger towards someone – give them a hug. The next time you are about to lash out – understand that the person could benefit from compassion. And most important, the next time you are about to blame yourself or beat yourself up for feeling “less than,” remember that you are worth all the love in the world – give yourself some credit because you are love.
(The Chopra Center)
“Please bring your heart near me.
For all I care about
Is quenching your thirst for freedom!
All a sane man can ever care about
Is giving Love!”
~ Hafiz
“What keeps us alive, what allows us to endure?
I think it is the hope of loving, or being loved.”
~ Meister Eckhart
"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." ~ Zora Neale Hurston
“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absentminded.
Someone sober will worry about things going badly.
Let the lover be.”
~ Rumi
“Love in its essence is spiritual fire.”
~ Emanuel Swedenborg
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
~ Lao Tzu
“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”
~ Albert Schweitzer
“There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.”
~ George Sand
“Healing is love, a deep wish is love. God’s attention is love.”
~ Deepak Chopra
“The important thing is not to think much but to love much;
do, then, whatever most arouses you to love.”
~ St. Teresa of Avila
Yoga for Everybody: Sitting Sun Salutations
In yoga, the Sun Salutation is a classic series of poses that enhance strength, flexibility, and balance. Here is a modified version that you can do in your seat to relieve tension in your spine, enhance circulation, and ease sore muscles during your flight.
- Sit comfortably in your chair, with your spine erect, pressing your palms together in front of your heart. Focus your awareness on your body, breathing easily.
- Reach your arms up, stretching your shoulders and upper back as you inhale.
- Bend forward as you exhale, letting your hands rest on the floor next to your feet, relaxing your neck, and resting your chest on your thighs.
- Grasp your left knee with interlaced fingers. Straighten and arch your back as you extend your arms, inhaling.
- Begin to exhale while bringing your chin down to your left knee and rolling your shoulders, upper back, and neck forward. Fully exhale as you release your leg and return your foot to the floor.
- Repeat the sequence with your right leg.
- Stretch both hands towards the sky, extending your spine and fully inhaling.
- Return to the first pose, with hands at heart center. Feel the sensations in your body with your full attention, breathing easily.
Maintaining a strong immune system during cold & flu season
Your immune system is your best defense against infectious illnesses. Keep it in optimum shape with health-living strategies such as these:
-Don't smoke. If you already smoke, try to quit, even if you've been unsuccessful at kicking the habit in the past.
-Eat a diet high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, and low in saturated fat.
-Take a multivitamin if you suspect that you may not be getting all the nutrients you need through your diet
-Exercise regularly
-Maintain a healthy body weight
-Control your stress level
-Control your blood pressure
-Do not drink alcohol
-Get adequate sleep
-Take steps to avoid infection, such as washing your hands frequently and cooking meats thoroughly
Get regular medical screening tests for people in your age group and risk category.
----Cold and Flu, a 10 minute consult from Harvard Medical School
Monday, October 26, 2009
Inspiration for today
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view."
---Carole King
Each event of our lives contributes a rich thread to our personal tapestry. We are each weaving one unique to ourselves, but all of our tapestries are complementary to each other. We need the rich designs of others in order to create our own. Rarely do we have the foresight to understand the worth, the ultimate value of a particular circumstance at its beginning. But hindsight offers us clarity. It's productive to reflect on the many circumstances that failed to thrill us; in all cases we can now see why we needed them. As our trust in God and the goodness of all experiences grow, we'll more quickly respond with gladness when situations are fresh. No experience is meant for harm. We are coming to understand that, even though on occasion we forget. Practicing gratitude will help us more fully appreciate what has been offered us. Being grateful influences our attitude; it softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most new situations.
"If I greet the day, glad to be alive, I will be gladdened by all the experiences in store for me. Each is making a necessary contribution to my wholeness."
-Casey, K. Each day a new beginning; Daily meditations for women. Hazelden Meditations, 1991.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The Law of Dharma or Purpose in Life (Chopra.com)
The Law of Dharma: Everyone has a purpose in life . . . a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.
I will put the Law of Dharma into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps:
- Today I will lovingly nurture the god or goddess in embryo that lies deep within my soul. I will pay attention to the spirit within me that animates both my body and my mind. I will awaken myself to this deep stillness within my heart. I will carry the consciousness of timeless, eternal Being in the midst of time-bound experience.
- I will make a list of my unique talents. Then I will list all the things that I love to do while expressing my unique talents. When I express my unique talents and use them in the service of humanity, I lose track of time and create abundance in my life as well as in the lives of others.
- I will ask myself daily,"How can I serve?" and "How can I help?" The answers to these questions will allow me to help and serve my fellow human beings with love.
"Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle." -- Deepak Chopra
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Quote
--Sister Helen Kelly
Working on
rcw
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Incredible poem I was pointed to by my friend Karlee
Love after love
The time will come when, with elation,you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say,
sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger
who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread.
Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love
letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs,
the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit.
Feast on your life.
~Derek Walcott
Monday, September 14, 2009
9/11
I want to express gratitude for our American Veterans who have served in wars previous, as well as those who were not activated or who assisted soldiers in a variety of ways. I recently discovered that there are 2 living veterans of WWI, and 3 living dependents (children) of veterans who fought in the Civil War. I cannot express how amazing this is to me. War impacts us in so many ways, most of which we do not even understand.
Please keep our soldiers and military in your hearts and in your prayers. When you notice a veteran or soldier in public, express your respect and gratitude to them.
Feel free to post any comments, thoughts, or well wishes.
cw
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Trauma Recovery
cw
TRAUMA RECOVERY TIPS
From America’s Leading Crime Victim Assistance Organizations
No American will go untouched - whether directly or indirectly -- by the devastating terrorist attacks that took place recently and which swept the hearts and minds of citizens across the nation. Many people will experience a variety of reactions to the trauma and the unforgettable images from the tragedy, including feeling numb, angry, sleepless and helpless. The following tips may help you cope with the emotions and grief.
Talk. Unspeakable trauma becomes more manageable when it is verbalized. Try to find words to describe your reaction and share them with someone you trust. If you can’t talk with someone, write in a journal or diary.
Recognize that thinking ability may be compromised. It is natural that in these circumstances, one’s ability to concentrate is limited. Employers must recognize this and accommodate.
Honor individual differences in trauma reaction. Your way is not the only way. People bring their full life experiences to the events of September 11, 2001. It is not useful to tell others how to handle their own trauma. For example, telling someone he or she must be strong is useless. People are coping the best they can.
Recognize the value of tears. Tears are simply a tender tribute to mourning. They are a natural reaction of men, women, and children to internal stress. They remove unhealthy stress-related toxins from the body.
Reach out to those more directly affected. Call those you know who are affected, even if distantly affected. Perhaps invite them over for dinner or take them a meal. Listen exquisitely. They may say the same things over and over again. Honor these experiences by listening rather than giving advice or telling them that things could have been worse.·
Limit television and radio. Turn it on only occasionally and then go for a walk or put on some calming music to remind yourself that most of the people in the world and in your community are good. Human goodwill and kindness illuminate the darkness even as a single candle can pierce the darkness.
Do something to help. Donate blood. Send money to the American Red Cross or one of the other organizations that are helping directly. Fly an American flag or put a candle in your window to affirm your commitment that darkness will not overcome the light. Plant a tree or perennial plant to remind yourself at next year’s anniversary that life prevails.
Utilize spiritual resources. Attend church, synagogue, mosque or other faith community services or vigils. Be authentic with the God of your understanding.
Seek professional support. Additional trauma support, counseling and resources are available with the following organizations.
Coalition of victim assistance organizations providing this information include:
California Crime Victim Compensation Board, Colorado Organization for Victim Assistance, Joint Center on Violence and Victim Studies, Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) National Office, National Association of Crime Victim Compensation Boards, National Association of VOCA Administrators, National Center for Victims of Crime, National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA), National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, National Sexual Violence Resource Center, Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape and Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS).
Additional information and trauma recovery tips can be found atNational Center for Victims of CrimeParents of Murdered ChildrenNational Organization for Victim AssistanceArizona Attorney General's Office.
Reactions of Children and Adolescents to Terrorism
Most children who might be affected by the terrorist attacks were witnesses through their parents or the media. Some children will have had parents or loved ones killed in the tragedy. Others will know friends whose loved ones have been killed. Not all children will know anyone or have reactions to the threat or the attack. They may feel safe in their homes and communities. Young children, particularly, may not understand adult reactions. It is important to reassure those children of their safety at this time. For those who have an immediate involvement with people who have been killed or injured, the following may be useful.
Development stages affect how children interpret their fear or how they experience traumatic reaction.
Pre-School (ages 2 to 6)
Death may be thought of as a different state but not permanent.
Time and space is only related to concrete or personal concerns.
The focus for children of this age is on their immediate life.
They may also believe that what they think about something can cause it to happen.
School-age children (ages 6-10)
Death may still be thought of as reversible.
Death is externalized into concrete fears and images of monsters or scary people.
Death may cause conflicted feelings about another person’s death or the terrorism attack. Children may fear for their own death.
The disruption in routine may cause children to experience a disruption in their own sense of identity and belonging to the world.
This is an age when children become more conscious of right and wrong. If they think they have done something wrong to cause what happened they will feel guilt. If they think others have done something wrong, they are likely to feel violent anger. If they cannot comprehend the issues they may distance themselves from any feelings because, “it doesn’t matter.”
Early adolescence (10-13 for girls, 12-15 for boys)
Due to physical changes, children in this age group often talk about physical stress-related symptoms: nausea, headaches, sleep disturbances, frequent crying spells, and so on.
Preadolescence and adolescence brings with them a solid concept of death.
The emotional roller-coaster that a child deals with at this age is manifested in wide mood swings.
In early adolescence, children become more preoccupied with peer relationships and begin to distrust or challenge adult interpretations of the world. When they perceive adults have failed them, they may be particularly hostile to the adult world.
There is a tendency for children to become very emotional in response to emotion-laden events at this age.
Ideals and commitments are viewed as a sacred trust. Betrayal of promises, vows, or relationships is rarely tolerated, even when being faithful to them may be harmful to the children who rely upon them or when the person making such vows is incapable of honoring them.
Words and symbols mean a great deal to the preadolescent and the adolescent child. Emphasize the use of stories, plays, poetry, and music lyrics often as a basis for expression.
Adolescence (13-18)
Normally, adolescence tends to increase the emotional upheaval of preadolescence.
Adolescent behavior is inconsistent. Anger may manifest itself as rage, and sorrow may become suicidal.
The immediacy of death when it affects teenagers is in stark contrast to their desire to see death as a part of a far distant future and their inherent sense of immortality. Sometimes their activities center on proving themselves more powerful than death. Involvement in risk-taking activities may be exacerbated by the loss of risk-inhibitions due to traumatization. They often express themselves by acting out and through experimenting with new behaviors.
Most adolescents are creative and energetic. Their creativity is manifested through the creation of their own symbols, activities, and words. Many young people create symbolic activities to memorialize their losses and to maintain a living connection to loved ones who have died or been injured in a catastrophe.
Children’s reactions to trauma at any stage are affected by the impact of “parent loss”
Actual loss of parent(s)
A violent, traumatic event may cause the death of a parent. Children then must cope with the shock of the event but also with the sudden loss of one of the most important people in the world to them.
Perceived loss of parent(s)
Often parents and other significant adults in a child’s life are unavailable to the child after a traumatic event because parents are so involved with other concerns.
Actual or perceived parent loss can be more traumatic than the trauma event itself
Common coping skills among children and adolescents
Coping through spasmodic crises
Children naturally allow themselves to deal with crisis and trauma by confronting those issues incrementally. They tend to focus on their grief and distress in short time periods and then return to everyday activities. They are not prone to dwelling on events or concentrating and analyzing the aftermath. They may become overwhelmed with emotions relating to a tragedy for a while but other things often divert them.
Seeking and relying upon help from others
Resilient children develop strategies for finding older children or adults who might help them. They will gravitate towards people who seem to provide stability and comfort. A child whose parent has died may actively identify a surrogate parent in the neighborhood or become especially close to a teacher or religious group leader.
A sense of a foreshortened future
Many children after surviving trauma cannot conceptualize a long-lasting life. This can be a positive coping skill when it helps them to focus on the present. It can be a negative coping skill when they believe that they may, or can, or will die in the near future and contribute to that belief through their actions.
Retreat into fantasy
Children often use fantasy as an escape from reality. They may imagine “savior” endings to a traumatic event that resulted in death or destruction. At times their fantasies will involve seeing themselves as the savior to the event; at other times they may imagine a loved one appearing as a superhero.
Education and aspiration
Some children cope well because they view the traumatic event as something to overcome through their learning or physical activities. School can provide a welcome relief to a traumatized child because it is routinized and the child knows what is expected. Lessons that are targeted and have definable goals help children to concentrate and adapt.
Spirituality
Children may cope better if they have a belief in God or other spirits. Children may believe that they are communicating with a loved one who has died and that they see the ghost or spirit of the loved one. This is not a frightening thought to many children but a comfort as they continue to grow and develop. Some children rely upon a belief in a loving God to help them through times when they feel alone and afraid.
Interventions for traumatized children
Establish safety and security
Respond to and provide opportunities for children to receive positive human physical contact to reaffirm needs for sensory comfort and care.
Help children get enough sleep.
Help children develop protective plans of action if another traumatic event were to occur.
Provide them with physical symbols of nurturing, love, or remembrance.
Allow children to tell what happened and to talk about death and loss
Encourage them to tell or develop stories that help them explore intense reactions such as anger or fear.
Ensure that children understand differences between life and death.
Reassure them that sadness and grief are a necessary part of surviving the death of someone they loved.
Talk with them about what they observed in the reactions of parents, peers, or other significant adults.
Predict what will happen and prepare children for the future
Encourage the establishment and reestablishment of comforting routines.
Provide them with tangible comfort items: a photograph of a loved one who died, a stuffed animal, or a favorite blanket.
Educate them about trauma, death, and loss.
Help them develop reasons for living.
Help them take time to think about their future.
Support adult caregivers in their efforts to react appropriately.
Work to help children solve problems they face because of the trauma.
Address what can and can’t be done.
Help mitigate other changes in their lives.
Address estrangement or their removal from peers and friends.
Help children frame their loss in the context of all of their relationships and their life as a whole.
Help children focus on the future.
Give concrete aid and factual information.
Copyright 2001, NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR VICTIM ASSISTANCE©, Washington, DC. Permission is granted to reproduce this material provided its source is properly credited
Recommended Books for Children Experiencing a Loss or Trauma
The Tree that Survived the Winter, Mary Fahy, Paulist Press. 1989 (All ages though adult)
Take Time to Relax! Nancy Carlson, puffin Books, 1991. ISBN # 0-14-054242-6. Ask for soft cover edition.
The Knight Who Was Afraid of the Dark, Barbara Shook Hazen, Dial Books for Young Readers. ISBN # 0-8037-0667-7. Ask for soft cover.
There's Something in My Attic, Mercer Mayer, Dial Books for Young Readers. ISBN #0-8037-0414-3. Ask for soft cover edition.
There's a Nightmare in My Closet, Mercer Mayer, Dial Books for Young Readers. ISBN # 0-8037-8574-7.
I hear a Noise, Diane Goode, Dutton Children's Books (Puffin Unicorn Book), NY. 1988. ISBN # 0-525-44884-5.
When Someone Very Special Dies, Marge Heegaard. Woodland Press, 1988. ISBN # 0-96-20502-0-2.
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death, Laurie Krasny Brown and Mark Brown, Little Brown and Company, 1996.
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story for All Ages. Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D. 1982. SLACK Inc. ISBN # 0-943432-89-8, or Henry Holt and Co. ISBN # 0-8050-1064-5.
Sunshine: More Meditations for Children, Maureen Garth, Collins Dove, 1994. ISBN # 1-86371-406-5. .
Thursday, July 23, 2009
I Still Miss You by Hawk Nelson
She showed me love, and all the ways of God
Her final days were spent in bed where she passed away
I won't forget her smiling face when she left us that night
But I still miss you
All the times we spent together
To hear you talk about the weather
I always prayed you'd get well soon
I wish my prayers came true
I know Jesus has the answer
And He's way bigger than the cancer in you
But I still miss you
If dreams came true, just one more chance to talk to you
And thank you for the time you spent teaching me the truth
A boy back then, I've grown up, now I'm a man
I can finally understand the things you said to me
But I still miss you
All the times we spent together
To hear you talk about the weather
I always prayed you'd get well soon
I wish my prayers came true
I know Jesus has the answer
And He's way bigger than the cancer in you
But I still miss you
I need some help to carry on
I need some strength to keep me strong...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The 5 People I'll Meet In Heaven
Think about this for yourself? Have you already lost someone; are they on the other side waiting for you to join them? Live your life so that there are only positive experiences, happiness and joy waiting for you on the other side. This makes for a much better book.
cw
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Invitation
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
-----------From "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Fallout
Imagine a bullseye, or a target. The center of this target, or the epicenter, as is termed for the center of destruction in a earthquake, is the most chaotically affected by addiction or any other form of misery. The epicenter is the individual. That person is affected, body, mind, spirit, everything. The first ring beyond the epicenter might consist of parents, children, spouse or partner, siblings, etc. These individuals are immediately affected by the addicts choices, and the consequences that come with his or her choices. The next ring might include more informal or infrequent contacts, those who have some interest in the welfare of the individual. Ultimately, there are people who are affected in a variety of ways, it is not limited to the addict. But the addict often fails to realize this. The idea that 'it is my body, my life, and I'll do what I want' is just one of several typical responses when an intervention is initially attempted by concerned family members. The addict is in denial, struggling with pride and unwilling to admit he or she is powerless and desperately needs help. This is not abnormal. It is important to support the addict and allow them to discover their helplessness and confront it. But without support from others, it is often impossible to overcome addiction.
cw
Monday, June 1, 2009
Great quotes
--Margaret Bonnano
"Never be afraid to sit awhile and think."
--Lorraine Hansbury
"The most potent muse of all is our own inner child."
--Stephen Nachmanovitch
"In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous."
--Aristotle
"I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex."
--Oscar Wilde
"Love the moment and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries."
--Corita Kent
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A cool quote
Live for today, but hold your hands open to tomorrow. Anticipate the future and its changes with joy. There is a seed of God's love in every event, every unpleasant situation in which you may find yourself.
-- Barbara Johnson
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Changes
I had another conversation with my HT companion a few weeks ago. We were discussing how, as humans, we use about 10% of our brain capacity. We both believe that the other 90% consists of our knowledge, wisdom, and memories of the pre-mortal life. I think that, at times, we are able to access more than that 10%, and see a little bit beyond the veil, and get a glimpse of what will be after we leave earth. Amazing to think about, isn't it? We also talked about how, as little children, we knew next to nothing concerning the world, universe, spirituality, and many other concepts. As adults, we know much, much more. But there is never a time where we know everything. We could look at ourselves compared to children, and expect that adults are much more educated and wise. But compare ourselves to our spiritual leaders, the general authorities, etc, and we are as infants to them and their understanding of eternal concepts. Interesting to recognize this, and realize that we all have such a long way to go, no matter what our struggles have been, are, or will be. The same can be said for our past, present, and future successes. We are on this seemingly endless journey to gain experience and wisdom. I like to use the word 'hoard' when referring to gathering information. I want it all, no matter if I can understand it all now or not. I can always save it for later, when I can really let it saturate and sink in.
I really, truly hope that you have a terrific rest of the day. Take some deep breaths, and realize a few of the things that are going very well for you in your life. Take a moment to pat yourself on the back. After that, do something simple to make someone else's day. It will rub off, and you will find that the favor will come back to you, someday.
cw
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Welcome
I know people that hate to laugh. It's disgusting. If you're one of them, don't visit my site again. I've had it with people who refuse to laugh at me. If you have concerns with any of the posts that you will soon find on here, you are welcome to let me know. Send questions to my editor. She will probably discard them. More importantly, you may want to contribute an idea of your own. Always welcome.